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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the Uk in 2010

the chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the Uk in 2010
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The bar chart illustrates how men and
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 take up in educational institutions of six different types in Britain in 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 in nurseries constituted a great majority of more than 95%, which was the largest among the amounts in all kinds of
schools
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, female
teachers
Use synonyms
 in primary
schools
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 occupied a large share at roughly 90%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 in universities was dramatically low (30%), which was only
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of that in pre-
schools
Use synonyms
 and primary
schools
Use synonyms
 . It can be seen that
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 in secondary
schools
Use synonyms
 slightly outnumbered their counterparts, accounting for approximately 54%. The situation was just
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 in private training institutes, where only around 46％ of
teachers
Use synonyms
 were female. In terms of colleges, the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 was exactly the same as that of men
teachers
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 as the educational setting
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 higher.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, teachers, schools with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational settings
  • percentage
  • representation
  • disparities
  • predominance
  • gender imbalance
  • societal expectations
  • historical roles
  • implications
  • trends
  • gender gap
  • educational outcomes
  • gender stereotypes
  • policies
  • initiatives
  • perceptions
  • effectiveness
  • primary school
  • secondary school
  • nursery
  • university
  • further education
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