IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, people frequently immerse themselves in
jobs
Use synonyms
which
Change preposition
in which
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 they have neither passion nor talent. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will address the causes of
this
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 problem
as well as
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 the long-term effects.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons that can stop individuals from choosing personal satisfaction
jobs
Use synonyms
 in their lives. Having under-qualified academic scores should need to be considered.
For instance
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, to be a surgeon, a candidate must do excellently in the weekly or monthly examinations, failure to do so may result in placement in a field that they detect.
Additionally
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, hazard pressure from parents may contribute to dissatisfied
jobs
Use synonyms
 as parents want their children to be
happiness
Replace the word
happy
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 and have sufficient earnings, they will orientate kids by their own
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
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 or desires without realizing their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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. It is obvious that
while
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 some people can persevere through the gloomy period of doing occupations they detest, many suffer leads to its creepy consequences. Having an undesirable job might cause ongoing discontent with individuals’ working
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In terms of mental health,
such
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 a persistent pessimistic mindset easily leads to depression and suicide. Many reports have supported
this
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 issue and it
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 one reason
in
Change preposition
for
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increasing
Add an article
an increasing
the increasing
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 number of suicides around the globe. In conclusion, inappropriate
jobs
Use synonyms
 are a common problem in recent days. Pressure from family
as well as
Linking Words
 unsuitable score entrance are the most popular reasons which can destroy their mental health
such
Linking Words
 as depression and suicide.

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Coherence & Cohesion
You should focus on ensuring that your essay has a clear and logical structure. The paragraphs need to flow seamlessly from one to the next, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the given topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, work on making your conclusion stronger by summarizing your main points more effectively and ensuring it echoes the sentiments presented in your introduction.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you did present main points, they require more support through detailed examples or elaborated explanations. Make sure each point is well-developed and backed up with evidence or a clearer argument.
Task Achievement
The essay responds to the task given but can be improved by fully addressing both parts of the question in a more balanced way. Both the reasons why people might end up in unsuitable work, as well as the consequences, should be explored in equal measure.
Task Achievement
Your ideas can be clearer and more comprehensive. Aim to succinctly articulate your points and employ a range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Ambiguity can decrease the reader's understanding of your argument, so clarity is key.
Task Achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. To enhance the score in this area, ensure that your examples are directly related to the topic and detailed enough to support your points convincingly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dread
  • passion
  • inherent talent
  • fufilling
  • career
  • job
  • fulfilled
  • unhappy
  • unsatisfied
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • stress
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • emotional well-being
  • potential
  • achieve
  • success
  • personal growth
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