IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
There is no denying the fact that the main purpose cause of
subjects
 is debatable, Whilst it is true to say that
Many
Fix capitalization
many
show examples
 collages students desire to learn more topics and main
subjects
 ,other people are of the belief that it should focus on main topics , I hold the view that l agree with should concentrate only
main
Change preposition
on main
show examples
subjects
 in
university
 , In
this
 essay, both perspectives
along with
 my point of view will be demonstrated before reaching a conclusion.
On the other hand
,several studies have views about increasing
subjects
 college for
tow
Correct your spelling
two
show examples
 reasons the first occupation when
them
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 got on
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 job they
are find
Change the verb form
are found
show examples
,do not need
subjects
university
 except medicine
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that they
are start
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 learning from new,they
are say
Change the verb form
are saying
show examples
 what benefit from reading those books? and second wasting time with things not being useful for them
while
 if they are staying only things for
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 ,it will make them find work easily
for example
,in newspaper bcc shows robot rate of graduates suffering from a new topic when they are working.
On the other hand
,many studies said that better
focus
Fix the infinitive
to focus
show examples
 on only books
Change preposition
from university
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
,because
different
Change preposition
of different
show examples
 control
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
 all
subjects
 in the world ,all the companies have different systems about other ,they
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 version companies responsible about practice us ,all the companies choose a lot of
train
Change to a plural noun
trains
show examples
 every month for learning them on
system
Add an article
a system
the system
show examples
 like engineer and accountant
for example
, company, Apple have
doing
Change the verb form
done
show examples
 practice thousand
engineer
Change to a plural noun
engineers
show examples
. -In conclusion,
after
this
 essay has manifested the above-mentioned views, it can be reiterated that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students do not requirements more study books in universities,
while
 others have different opinions about studies
subjects
 and addition to main
subjects
,I believe
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 life
university
Change preposition
at university
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is easily without any obstacle and increasing learning.
Submitted by Zozororo923 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: