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Band 4.5

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind , such as reading and doing word puzzles . Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time . Dicuss two views and give your opinion .

#people #leisure #time #activities #mind #word #puzzles #rest #dicuss #two
It is often said that it is necessary to use free time for hobbies that enhance genius ,
for instance
 doing puzzles and reading books . Others believe that relaxing the intellect during leisure activities is more important .
This
 essay will discuss both sides of the argument and conclude that the former choice is the best option .
There
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 can be said that some nations decide to use free time to improve the psyche . In fact , many teenagers will gain knowledge through reading books or learning something new . It is
benefit
Replace the word
a beneficial
show examples
 activity for students to improve concentration .
For instance
 ,
playing
Rephrase
when playing
show examples
 strategy games
such
 as chess with friends
as well as
 they need to think to win the games . Another point is it develops problem-solving skills illustrated by doing puzzles like crossword , and sudoku .
For example
 , they need to have quick reflexes to know the way to play because if they play wrong , they will lose .
Otherwise
 , playing musical instruments can help folk quick thinking and reactions to remember the rhythm and how to play it .
Thus
 , society will be more talented and more confident . In an ideal world, perhaps the public prefers resetting the instinct . As an illustration , the population can play computer games or listen to music to
remind
Verb problem
remember
show examples
 after a
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard
show examples
 day .
Moreover
 , watching television or movies can be made relieve stress .
For example
 , the community can choose comedy or something funny to watch . Indeed ,
the
Correct word choice
if the
show examples
 public knows how to stop it directly , it will be good for the brain
whereas
 if folk are addicted to it , may be bad for life . In conclusion ,
above all
 reasons in the essay , I prefer using leisure time to improve my mind to make ourselves better than being addicted to social media .

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coherence cohesion
The introduction is weak and lacks clarity. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. It is important to structure the essay with a clear introduction and conclusion to guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples and supports the main points. However, the ideas need to be presented in a more organized and coherent manner to effectively address the task question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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