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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
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It is said that continuing
going
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to go
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 to
university
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 or vocational training is the best way to get a financially viable
career
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,
while
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 there are some people tell that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 would rather
to
Remove the marker
apply
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have a
job
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 night after finishing the high-school.
According to
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 my opinion, both views have advantages for
Use synonyms
career
Add an article
a career
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 in the future.
This
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 writer will provide the evidence.
Firstly
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, going to
university
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 or college,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enables us
have
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to have
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 a large amount of knowledge in
field
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the field
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 and improve a
lot
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 of
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 in
work
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the work
a work
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 environment
such
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 as thinking or the ability to calculate. Most of
relevant
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the relevant
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job
Use synonyms
 skills.
Beside
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Besides
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, developing academic information is very needed for
well-paid
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a well-paid
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job
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, which is seem considered a compulsory part of billionaire and successful person.
Moreover
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,
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university
Change preposition
at university
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 in the present,
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Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
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 have a
lot
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 of abilities to develop their
skill
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 by themselves and easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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get a
job
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 after study
univerisity
Correct your spelling
university
.
On the other hand
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, the people who get a social
job
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also
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 have benefits to
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career
Correct pronoun usage
their career
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. The first reason, nowadays, the consumption of coffee and milk tea is increasing dramatically. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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, there are a
lot
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 of coffee
shop
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shops
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in
Change preposition
apply
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anywhere. They
also
Linking Words
 need mature
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 and gain a
lot
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 of opportunities to get a
job
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 early
such
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 as service profession, washing dishes and cashier.
According to
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 social time,
Use synonyms
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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also
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 can get a
job
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 in public
are
Correct your spelling
area
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such
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 as
Add an article
a library
the library
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library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
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, book store even security in
Add an article
the park
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park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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.
Those
Change the determiner
That job
Those jobs
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job
Use synonyms
 can help
Use synonyms
Add an article
a student
the student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 get some social
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 like
as
Change preposition
apply
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communication
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and experiences in
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
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. In conclusion, having a
job
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 or going to
university
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 have advantages to a successful
career
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. But to be honest, going to study is still better than having a
job
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 early.
Furthermore
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, we should work and study hard and be more and more
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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