IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

nowdays, more teenagers want to become famous actors or singers. why do you think this is happening? is this a positive or negative development?

#nowdays #teenagers #actors #singers #development
nowadays, many
people
 want to be famous with the development of social
media
. becoming famous is easy to gain.
Hower
Correct your spelling
However
show examples
,
people
 who become well
know
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
 too fast
sometiomes
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 make problems with their famous. In my opinion,
this
ia
Correct your spelling
is
 a negative development. platforms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
gain
Change the form of the verb
gaining
show examples
 many
succes
Correct your spelling
success
. Many teenagers, even
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 spend their time
to use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
 social
media
 so much on a daily routine. So many
videoes
Wrong verb form
videos
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
uploading
Wrong verb form
uploaded
show examples
 on social
media
 like
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 facebook, youtube, tik tok,... it many ways to be famous and very easy to do
this
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 smartphone and little skills edit video. Social
media
 is
land
Correct article usage
a land
show examples
 to
peole
Correct your spelling
people
make
Correct pronoun usage
who make
show examples
 their dream to be
Add an article
an idol
show examples
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
show examples
. They can
comfortable
Change the adjective
comfortably
show examples
 show their personality to attract followers or they
performance
Replace the word
perform
show examples
 their
talened
Correct your spelling
talented
talent
. Or even they can post a daily routine and many like
this
. But many
people
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not a
luckily
Capitalize word
Luckily
show examples
, they try to make everything to be famous but they cannot. So they decide a way very
bad
Change the word
badly
show examples
that
is post
Change the verb form
posts
show examples
 the video is not unhealthy.
This
 video
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 everyone angry and attract
million
Change the article
a million
show examples
 views. they
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 given
a
Change the article
an
show examples
enomours
Correct your spelling
enormous
 success and raise very much money with no investing too much and no effort. After they had received many
critizm
Correct your spelling
criticism
critics
 from many
people
, they began
apologetic
Change the adjective
apologetically
show examples
 and ask for forgiveness that they do. They promised that will change and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be better and receive
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 sympathy from everyone.
Lastly
, they become famous and earn
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 money.
This
 trend
repeat
Change the verb form
repeats
show examples
 so much that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 network
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fed up with what famous do. Becoming
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
show examples
 too fast that they face up many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
. They do not
training
Change the verb form
train
show examples
 professionally and have a mistake.
Therefore
, they
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 violented
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet. they put up with
highly
Change the word
high
show examples
 pressure and
intolerable
Add a missing verb
are intolerable
show examples
. They
decide
Add the particle
todecide
show examples
 end up with their life. in conclusion, with
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of platforms, becoming famous is easy to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past. But, it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 many hapless.
Submitted by tram.vomy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: