IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the Japan's population by age groups starting in 1960 and including forecast to 2040.

The chart below shows the Japan's population by age groups starting in 1960 and including forecast to 2040.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The presented chart provides information about the population of Japan
according to
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 classification between the years 1960 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportions of the 0-14 and 25-64 years old groups decreased over the
period
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the indicator for people who are 65 or more than 65 years old increased from 1960 to 2040.
To begin
Linking Words
, at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
 the
age
Use synonyms
 class of between 0-14 ages was equal to approximately a quarter of the total population, during the 1960 and 1970 the figure rose to about 35%, after 1970 the rate for
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group started to decline and in 2020 amounted to well below the 20%. The pattern of reduction in proportion is expected to continue till 2040 and will constitute 10%. The percentage of the 25-64
age
Use synonyms
 group was 65% in 1960
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and rose to 70% in 1970,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 the figure fluctuated over the
period
Use synonyms
 and amounted to 60% in 2020. The forecast for the future shows that in 2040 the proportion will be equal to just under 60%. At the start of the
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 the number of people
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 or more
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the total
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 population was around 5% . The indicator increased year-by-year and climbed to 30%. It is expected that the rate of the 65+
age
Use synonyms
 group will reach slightly less than 35%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words age, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: