In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder than others? Is it always a good thing to work hard?
Nowadays,some
people
work
hard
than their classmates or colleagues,as it is widely considered that there are some benefits to working harder than others.Rephrase
harder
However
,I do believe that the value of working hard for a long time
is overestimated,and the adverse outcome may well appear. Firstly
,some people
who work
harder than others are eager to get a better result in their work
or study
.Many people
want to get a better score or a job in their life,but there are always many competitors in the process.So it is difficult for them to stand out in the competition.They can only spend more time
on their work
or study
.Then
they will get a good result and achieve their goals. Secondly
,some people
want to improve their shortages to solve which
is relevant to their Correct pronoun usage
what
work
or study
by working harder.As we know,not everyone has enough talent.To make up for the lack of talent,they are supposed to be enthusiasm
about their Replace the word
enthusiastic
work
or study
.The most effective way for people
to get a good result is to put more energy into their work
or study
.By
Change preposition
In
this
way,people
can close the gap between them and their companions. Instead
,more attention needs to be drawn to make sure that their body is healthy.Generally,if one person always engages himself in the work
or study
,he will have less time
to relax.With time
going by,he may have some healthy
problems.As he is tired,the best choice for him is to have a break.With a weak body,it is impossible for them to Replace the word
health
work
or study
well. In conclusion,working hard can bring some bad effects.It is more effective to have a break at the necessary time
and emphasize the importance of health.I deeply confirm that it is not always a good thing to work
hard.Submitted by 2016792106 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but there is a lack of development in some of the main points. Ensure all main points are well-supported with examples and explanations.
task achievement
The response addresses the question adequately and presents clear ideas, but some points could be further developed for a more comprehensive response. Include more relevant and specific examples to support the ideas in each paragraph.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
