In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder than others? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

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Nowadays,some
people
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work
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hard
Rephrase
harder
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than their classmates or colleagues,as it is widely considered that there are some benefits to working harder than others.
However
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,I do believe that the value of working hard for a long
time
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is overestimated,and the adverse outcome may well appear.  
Firstly
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,some
people
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who
work
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harder than others are eager to get a better result in their
work
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or
study
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.Many
people
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want to get a better score or a job in their life,but there are always many competitors in the process.So it is difficult for them to stand out in the competition.They can only spend more
time
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on their
work
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or
study
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.
Then
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they will get a good result and achieve their goals.  
Secondly
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,some
people
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want to improve their shortages to solve
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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is relevant to their
work
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or
study
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by working harder.As we know,not everyone has enough talent.To make up for the lack of talent,they are supposed to be
enthusiasm
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enthusiastic
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about their
work
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or
study
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.The most effective way for
people
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to get a good result is to put more energy into their
work
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or
study
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.
By
Change preposition
In
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this
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way,
people
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can close the gap between them and their companions.  
Instead
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,more attention needs to be drawn to make sure that their body is healthy.Generally,if one person always engages himself in the
work
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or
study
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,he will have less
time
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to relax.With
time
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going by,he may have some
healthy
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health
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problems.As he is tired,the best choice for him is to have a break.With a weak body,it is impossible for them to
work
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or
study
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well.   In conclusion,working hard can bring some bad effects.It is more effective to have a break at the necessary
time
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and emphasize the importance of health.I deeply confirm that it is not always a good thing to
work
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hard.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but there is a lack of development in some of the main points. Ensure all main points are well-supported with examples and explanations.
task achievement
The response addresses the question adequately and presents clear ideas, but some points could be further developed for a more comprehensive response. Include more relevant and specific examples to support the ideas in each paragraph.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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