Nowadays more and more children play computer games .why do you think this is the case ? is it a positive or negative development

#children #computer #games #case #development

in the modern ,world technology is improving.Most of the technology upbringing in the world.There is a number of

children

Using technological devices and applications

such

computer

games

are the

most

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

favourite applications among

children

. I will discuss

this

topic and whether is it a positive or negative development. I give my opinion.

To begin

with ,these days there are more

children

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

computer

games

Therefore

create a number of positive development around

children

firstly

children

’s Technological skills are improving

whereas

Correct word choice

and

show examples

they can easily handle some technical issues .

secondly

, creativity is increasing and some kids are

encouraging

Wrong verb form

encouraged

show examples

to create new

games

. on the other hand ,there are many kinds of disadvantages connected being

children

playing

computer

games

, In ,addition kids are

addict

Wrong verb form

addicted

show examples

play

computer

games

Then

they missed their School homework .Some

children

are distant from their families

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because more and more use

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

computer

games

.Another thing more kids are facing health issues

such

as physical and mental issues . ,

subsequently

Add a comma

,subsequently

show examples

computer

games

are destroyed

children

’s brains

Add the comma(s)

, therefore,

show examples

therefore

children

have memory loss and some

children

isolated because of

computer

games

as well as

these days ,there are a number of bad

computer

games

created

such

pubgy

Correct your spelling

pudgy

and military

games

then

some students imitate these video

games

and I think it is very dangerous for our society. In conclusion, I will have discussed the positive and negative development of

children

playing

computer

games

.first paragraph discussed the positive impact and the second paragraph discuss the negative impact. ,

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

I believe that

children

play

computer

games

whereas

different kind of negative impact occurs in

children

’s life.

Submitted by heshanij9 on Fri Aug 18 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays more and more children play computer games .why do you think this is the case ? is it a positive or negative development

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The consumption of the world’s resources is increasing at a dangerous rate. Where are causes and solutions ?

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.