IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phone #places #phones
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Mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 is firmly established as part of our life. Almost all of us can not live without our mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. Following that, the use of
Add an article
the smart
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smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 has affected as much as smoking to our social negatively. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some arguments that
phone
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have to be banned like smoking in certain areas. But I disagree with that
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
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. I will discuss some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 why I disagree with that discussion in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, there are people who always use their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in our community. So we communicate with each other
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
 our
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. So that can cause some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 like ‘
smombie
Correct your spelling
zombie
mombie
’ or cutting communication in
real
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the real
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 world. But I think there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more good than harm. I am going to insist
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
ground that the
phone
Use synonyms
 can be a great rescuer. A few days ago,
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
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 and my family’s phones were ringing in the early morning.
this
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 was an emergency message from
Korea
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Korea's
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 public safe institution. It said there was a missile from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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North Korea in
South
Correct article usage
the South
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. But in a second minute, I could be
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
 soon because of the online communities. People shared many
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 and we could know about the message more specifically. Like
this
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, We can get
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 in
emergence
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emergency
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 situations or others very quickly. So if we banned mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 in specific
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, we cannot prepare
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the critics. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,
mobile
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a mobile
the mobile
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phone
Use synonyms
 can be anything
that is
Linking Words
 very useful in our life.
First,
Linking Words
if you lost
way
Correct pronoun usage
your way
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 in
strange
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a strange
show examples
 place, you can use your smartphone as a map. And it even has
navigate
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navigation
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 ability.
Second,
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when the time is getting to dinner, but you could not select the menu of dinner, you might be able to get some recommendations from your
phone
Use synonyms
. And
also
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 you can learn the recipes of the foods. there are various
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 for
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
. If we banned it, we have to live
more
Change preposition
with more
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difficultly
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
.
Submitted by yebin9009 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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