Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Playing
sports
Use synonyms
is equally important as studying as it does not only make them physically and mentally strong.
However
Linking Words
, some people think that outdoor games should be played only in free time as it may impact their career and for students their grades. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss both views and share my opinion. To commence with, participating in
sports
Use synonyms
games is very crucial for career growth as it will boost not only their confidence to interact with other team members but
also
Linking Words
their physical endurance. It is said that a healthy mind lies in a healthy body. To elaborate , playing squad
sports
Use synonyms
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
one's self-esteem by interacting with each other in a group and gives them the confidence to perform later in the real world.
For example
Linking Words
, my cousin's brother, who used to participate in state-level basketball games is now the director of one of the largest multinational companies in the world and leads a team of 1000 employees.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, children who actively participate in
sports
Use synonyms
activities are now more physically fit and have the capability to take on more challenges in the real world.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study by the American Association proves that people who play
sports
Use synonyms
are more physically active to take more risks than
the one
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
not indulge in any kind of outdoor
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as cricket, soccer etc.
This
Linking Words
evidence proves that playing
sports
Use synonyms
should be part of life .
To conclude
Linking Words
, In my opinion, children who participate in team
sports
Use synonyms
become more extroverted and learn skills that are really needed for career growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
, indulging in any type of outdoor
sports
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
not only their body's fitness but
also
Linking Words
makes them mentally strong.
Submitted by dhingrarahul55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The essay addresses the two views in a clear manner, but the conclusion lacks a restatement of the main points and a clear opinion.
task achievement
The essay provides some relevant examples and arguments, but the development of the ideas and the relevance to the prompt can be improved.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: