IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #games #society #leisure #activities
Playing
sports
 is equally important as studying as it does not only make them physically and mentally strong.
However
, some people think that outdoor games should be played only in free time as it may impact their career and for students their grades. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and share my opinion. To commence with, participating in
sports
 games is very crucial for career growth as it will boost not only their confidence to interact with other team members but
also
 their physical endurance. It is said that a healthy mind lies in a healthy body. To elaborate , playing squad
sports
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 one's self-esteem by interacting with each other in a group and gives them the confidence to perform later in the real world.
For example
, my cousin's brother, who used to participate in state-level basketball games is now the director of one of the largest multinational companies in the world and leads a team of 1000 employees.
Furthermore
, children who actively participate in
sports
 activities are now more physically fit and have the capability to take on more challenges in the real world.
For instance
, a study by the American Association proves that people who play
sports
 are more physically active to take more risks than
the one
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not indulge in any kind of outdoor
sports
such
 as cricket, soccer etc.
This
 evidence proves that playing
sports
 should be part of life .
To conclude
, In my opinion, children who participate in team
sports
 become more extroverted and learn skills that are really needed for career growth.
Moreover
, indulging in any type of outdoor
sports
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
not only their body's fitness but
also
 makes them mentally strong.
Submitted by dhingrarahul55 on

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coherence and cohesion
The essay addresses the two views in a clear manner, but the conclusion lacks a restatement of the main points and a clear opinion.
task achievement
The essay provides some relevant examples and arguments, but the development of the ideas and the relevance to the prompt can be improved.
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