IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The pie charts illustrates the number of sales in different spheres of online shopping in New Zealand during 10 years.

The pie charts illustrates the number of sales in different spheres of online shopping in New Zealand during 10 years.
#sales #spheres #zealand #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, online shopping has taken a large share
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 marketing. The pie chart in the question
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 the online shopping status between the year of 2003 to 2013. Trave is the largest online trade till 2013 from 2003, in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
between
Change preposition
to
show examples
base
Correct article usage
the base
show examples
 year, decreased
7
Change preposition
by 7
show examples
%. In 2003, 36%
travel
Change preposition
of travel
show examples
sell
Replace the word
sales
show examples
, at that time
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was higher than any other category.
Secound
Correct your spelling
Second
 highest was clothes, 24%. Books and
flim
Correct your spelling
film
/music
combindly
Correct your spelling
combinedly
combined
 have taken 40%
space
Change preposition
of space
show examples
 in the chat,
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
 19% and 21%. In the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2013, the biggest percentage of
sell
Replace the word
sales
show examples
 was film/music which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in relation to
initial
Add an article
the initial
show examples
 session, it saturated at 33%, one
thired
Correct your spelling
third
 of the total
sell
Replace the word
sales
show examples
.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 largest
sell
Replace the word
sale
show examples
 was travel, which is 29%. And the
sell
Replace the word
sales
show examples
 of books and
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 are respectively 22% and 16%.
Submitted by ahamedzamil15 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Add some linking words.
▼
Linking words: Add linking words.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: