IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Somefamilies people believe that children who are brought up in which don't have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up in wealthier families. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#somefamilies #people #children #amounts #money #adult #life #families
I completely agree with
this
 topic that
kids
 who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
growing
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 families which to much
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocated
show examples
money
 for their
kids
 will not be able to tackle future problems, and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely believe that in other families which not decide
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 it
kids
 not face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these problems. One of the major and significant reasons that
kids
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 grow up
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 well-being kin able to achieve their goals from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood. It is because
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 completely understands what that parents can not help
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 funds and they decide the goal in
all
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
variety of options.
For example
, children in Kazakhstan at the age of 12 consider that they can already
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 independent person
while
 no bodies help them in a financial case.
Second,
Correct article usage
the obvius
show examples
obvius
Correct your spelling
obvious
 reason
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 growing
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much sponsorship and not understanding
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial literacy, unfortunately, will spend
thier
Correct your spelling
their
money
 incorrectly. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words,
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 do not have
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
 and experience in
money
 management
such
 as adults.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays we can observe that in rich families the majority of
kids
 respectively can not understand how to control and how to spend correctly their cash,
therefore
 in future not be able to decide their problems.
On the other hand
, if
perence
Correct your spelling
presence
parents
 will give essential knowledge of financial
literancy
Correct your spelling
literacy
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their kid
this
 problem will not appear. It is mean that when
kids
 will growing and make their first huge amounts of
money
 they will have experience and knowledge
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 to spend it. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 a community which unpredictable gives a lot of cash
money
 for their
kids
 will undoubtedly wrongly affect. In my view, people should control their kid's spending.
Submitted by pasha2400 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: