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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is should women join the army, the navy and the air force while others would argue that these jobs are not appropriate for women

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
should
Correct word choice
whether should
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 join the
army
Use synonyms
, the navy and the air force
while
Linking Words
 others would argue that these jobs are not appropriate for
women
Use synonyms
. Now people are beginning to realize that
women
Use synonyms
 have their independence and equal rights with men. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 tend to think that
women
Use synonyms
 can’t go to the military service because they are too physically tenderly compared with men.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is well known that if
women
Use synonyms
 should be able to go to the
army
Use synonyms
 the spending of government will double. What
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mean here is that females have the right to join the
army
Use synonyms
 or not,
while
Linking Words
 men are required to
in
Add a missing verb
be in
show examples
 the
army
Use synonyms
 because they are naturally stronger than
women
Use synonyms
 and they have a lot of strength relatively. One of the main reasons behind
that is
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 job involves a lot of physical and tiring duties. A good case in point is, in
this
Linking Words
 profession one needs to be prepared for any tiresome, dangerous situation and actions that may involve encountering
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminals or terrorists as
such
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be argued that nowadays most
women
Use synonyms
participating
Wrong verb form
participate
show examples
 in several marathons and other activities, and
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 the standards criteria to be in
such
Linking Words
 major categories
That is
Linking Words
 to
say
Add a comma
,say
show examples
women
Use synonyms
deserves
Change the verb form
deserve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place in paramilitary and
such
Linking Words
 related positions. Take
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example,
such
Linking Words
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 occupation
requires
Correct pronoun usage
that requires
show examples
 high-level tactics and
conscious
Correct article usage
a conscious
show examples
 mind
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 comparatively more present in females than males. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 taking everything mentioned into account in our final
analysis
Add a comma
,analysis
show examples
 we can say that
women
Use synonyms
 are able to join
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of majorities, but they may be doing not so hard work for
women
Use synonyms
’s health.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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