The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity

The bar chart compares the percentage of Australian men and women in six different

age

groups who did regular physical exercise in the year 2010.

Overall

, females were more active in regular physical activities than males except for one

age

group

who were

Change preposition

apply

show examples

15-24

age

in 2010. As it observed the highest percentage of men doing physical activities was within the

age

group

15 to 20 at 52.8% but

then

it slightly decreased to 42.2% at

age

25 to 34.

However

, the

percentages

Fix the agreement mistake

percentage

show examples

of men doing daily exercise increased to 43.1% and

then

again

45.1

Change preposition

to 45.1

show examples

% more for the

age

groups 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 respectively. For

age

Add an article

the age

show examples

group

65 and over it increased slightly again to 46.7%.

On the other hand

female

Correct article usage

the female

show examples

age

group

45 to 54 did regular exercise at 53.3% which was

highest

Correct article usage

the highest

show examples

from

Change preposition

among

show examples

all other

age

group

Change the wording

groups

show examples

. The lowest percentage within the

age

group

55 to 64 was 47.1% of

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

doing daily physical activities.

Lastly

, figures for female was consistent through each

age

group

Submitted by PONKAJ DEY on Wed Aug 23 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

172 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Regular exercise
Age demographics
Participation rate
Trend analysis
Gender disparity
Health initiatives
Public health policies
Statistical comparison
Lifestyle choices
Work commitments
Age-related factors
Preventative health
Exercise habits
Surveillance data
Motivators and barriers

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?