IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#believe #action #crime
Although
 several people are convinced that the community has enough measures to stop
crime
, a few citizens think that more operations should be done to decrease the
crime
 rate. In
this
 essay, I will discuss these two aspects and provide my point of view. To start with, it can be argued that more
crime
prevention
 actions can bring about positive influences on
society
.
Firstly
, People believe that the best way to stop a
crime
 is to stop it before it happens. Increasing the effort in
crime
prevention
 can
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the deterrent effect on the potential criminal.
Secondly
, it shows the determination of the government to make a safe and stable
society
. The rule breakers may be afraid to commit crimes
due to
 the increased difficulty.
On the other hand
, when it comes to
crime
prevention
, there are opinions that
society
 has done enough jobs in
crime
prevention
. First of all, they stated that many resources should be put into other aspects if the
crime
 rate is already low.
The
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
society
Capitalize word
Society
show examples
also
 needs to put emphasis on the poor and needy. Resources are limited and need to focus on the community’s needs first.
Additionally
, there are advanced technologies in
crime
 detection and
prevention
 that already helped with the situation. With the help of technology, the
crime
 rate will decrease as the difficulty of committing a
crime
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
.
To conclude
, a number of people think that there are not enough operations in
crime
prevention
while
 others hold the opposite view of it. After carefully reviewing the argument for both sides, I find myself strongly agreeing with the statement that more efforts should be made to tackle the
crime
.
Submitted by sonyso on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: