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Band 5

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of the newborn. Do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #women #maternity #first #month #birth
Recently the law allows pregnant
women
 to take a break after delivering,
while
 part of the society
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 it
worthiness
Add a missing verb
is worthiness
show examples
 others do not support it. I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks
due to
 the numerous reasons
To begin
 with, maternity break is very important after delivering , it helps the mother to recover from all the pregnancy complications and trauma. After delivering the body takes
time
 to return back to
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 normal state and to do so enough rest is recommended.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 most
women
 suffer from postpartum
due to
 stress and pressure during and after pregnancy.
In addition
, transition into the motherhood can be very stressful and requires a lot of
time
 to adjust,
maternal
Capitalize word
Maternal
show examples
 leave allows them to get enough training from those who assist them in the care of their baby
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 first mums.
Furthermore
, spending more
time
 with your kids
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 a special bond. As a newborn requires love and care to adjust. Research
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 shown that early stages
training
Change preposition
of training
show examples
 given to children can affect their life in future.
On the other hand
,
other school
Change the wording
another school
other schools
show examples
 of thought thinks that long maternity leaves can
can
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
be an obstacle to them in their careers possessive.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 promotion can
delays
Replace the word
delayed
show examples
due to
 maternal break.
Moreover
,they might take a long
time
 to catch up with the new trends at their workplace which can
slowdown
Correct your spelling
slow down
show examples
 business.
To sum up
, it is important for one to care for
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
 after delivering,I think maternity leave is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential for the healing process after delivering, even though it delays one life in career life. I suggest it
good
Add a missing verb
is good
show examples
 for
women
 to take enough
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
 after
given
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 birth
Submitted by boadimaxwell48 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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