IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
In 2011 and 2015 the
number
 of
shops
 that opened
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 more than the
number
 of
shops
 that closed. It's the only two years that opened are more than closures. It means that the economy at that time
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 scent and people
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 desires and enough money to buy what they
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
. In 2012, many
shops
 that opened in 2011 led to the
number
 that opened in 2012 decreasing and the
number
 of closures more than opened. In 2014, the
number
 of
shops
 that closed and opened almost
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a balance means that the economy at the moment is not well
people
Capitalize word
People
show examples
 open a shop quickly and
also
 close quickly. In 2015, the
number
 of
shops
 that closed sharply decreased but the
number
 of
shops
 that opened
isn't
Wrong verb form
wasn't
show examples
 that much because the
number
 of
shops
 that closed
last
 year
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 too much causing people afraid of opening a shop. After 2018 the
number
 of
shops
 that opened is getting less than ever.
Submitted by yao20010210 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: