IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some say that young and energetic employees are the more valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples, based on you own experience.

#say #employees #company
A group of individuals present the view that the young generations are more enthusiastic and energetic in the workplace.
Therefore
 they are more worthwhile for the firm. Others believe that older
employees
 are more experienced. I strongly agree that experienced
employees
 are more valuable for each profession and in the following essay I am going to explain my opinion in detail. On the one hand, freshman workers have learned new methods based on modern technology to devise
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost-effective
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to solve problems.
However
, many of them have a lack of experience in applying modern methods in their careers. Maybe it is because there is no effective relationship between universities and the work market. Take my job as an example, my newly graduated electrical engineering coworkers are not able to use their knowledge on their tasks as they were not taught how to do practical projects.
On the other hand
, older
employees
 have faced many issues in their jobs and have figured out how to manage them quickly and meet the deadlines and are the best
people
 to transfer their practical knowledge to
people
 who have been hired recently. On average, inexperienced
people
 need about 1 year to cope with their tasks in each company.
To conclude
, I completely agree that older recruits provide more valuable progress for
employees
.
Although bosses
Correct word choice
Bosses
show examples
 should prepare young
people
 to take the job vacancy before their older hirers retire.
Submitted by n.rezaei199170 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: