some people believe a high salary is the most important factor when choosing a job. others believe that a good working environment is more important. discuss both view and give your opinion

A group of individuals present the view that salary plays the most vital role in seeking a
job
position. Others think that the workplace's atmosphere is more important. I believe both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
certainly impact the reasons that one chooses a
job
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
income can ease some burdens and tensions in each career.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
the following ,essay I am going to discuss my opinion in detail. On the one hand, a sizeable number of people go to work to earn money. They want to provide standards of living for themself and their family members.
As a result
, a high salary absorbs many applicant's attention to apply for a
job
vacancy.
Also
, folk who has
high earning
Add a hyphen
high-earning
show examples
task are able to receive better bank services and give you chances to get more loan to buy a house and car. Take
myself
Change the pronoun
me
show examples
as an example,
last
year I seeking a
job
relating to my subject and among some options l hired in a company that offered better income,
although
it was
further
from my home and my colleague
as
Correct your spelling
was
show examples
not as experienced as the personnel of other firms.
On the other hand
,
innovative
Correct article usage
an innovative
show examples
and happy work environment helps employees to learn new things and broaden their horizons. Some people insist that working in
this
environment encourages workers to work more effectively.
However
, I do not find
this
argument convincing as if recruits are paid well they do not have any concern about the cost of living and
consequently
they find it easy to do their task curiously. In conclusion, in my view, a well-paid
job
boosts the levels of one's life and an individual enjoys her or his life by having whatever wants.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
a good working environment relieves stress and sometimes makes the hirer more productive.
Submitted by n.rezaei199170 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: