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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the percentage of dependents in 2000 and the predicted figures in 2050 in five countries, and also gives the world average. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main figures and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of dependents in 2000 and the predicted figures in 2050 in five countries, and also gives the world average. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main figures and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given column graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
dependents
Use synonyms
 (children below 15 or adults above 65) in five countries in 2000 and
also
Linking Words
 gives projections for 2050. It
also
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 depicts the world average in the given two years. In 2000, India had the maximum
percentage
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 of
dependents
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 (38%), with Japan, Indonesia and China
follows
Wrong verb form
following
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 closely behind with around 34% of
dependents
Use synonyms
. Korea had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of reliant people (22%). The
overall
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 world
population
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 of children below 15 and adults over 65 was 25%. Looking into the future, an increase in the
population
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 of
dependents
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 is predicted for Indonesia, Korea, China and Japan.
In contrast
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, in ,India the needy
population
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 is thought to fall from 38% to 32%. In ,Korea the
population
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 is expected to double by 2050, from 22% to 44%. Approximately 15% rise in
such
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 is predicted for Japan,
whereas
Linking Words
 China is thought to show the least increase (2%). The world average of
dependents
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 is expected to go up from about 25% to nearly 42%.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
dependents
Use synonyms
 is expected to decrease in India
whereas
Linking Words
 in the other four
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 it is projected to increase.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall, whereas".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, dependents, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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