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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph provides information about female unemployment rates in the four countries of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.

The graph provides information about female unemployment rates in the four countries of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
#information #unemployment #rates #four #countries #kingdom
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The graph provides information about female
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rates in the four countries of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014. What everyone can see in the graph is about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
unemployment
Use synonyms
 in each country.
That is
Linking Words
,we can see the
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rates of some publics.Between
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these states,female
unemployment
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the highest
level
Use synonyms
 in
England
Use synonyms
 in 2013.In 2014,female
unemployment
Use synonyms
 was the first
problem
Use synonyms
 in
Scotland
Use synonyms
.That means,there are a lot of females who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not working in
Scotland
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,female
unemployment
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
 in some countries.There are 4 countries with the highest
level
Use synonyms
 of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
.They are
Scotland
Use synonyms
,Wales,
England
Use synonyms
 and Northern Ireland,where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
unemployment
Use synonyms
 is a
problem
Use synonyms
. In 2013,the highest
level
Use synonyms
 of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
 was in
England
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
,the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of the
individuls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who work in
England
Use synonyms
 is higher.
England
Use synonyms
 is in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place in terms of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
woman
Change noun form
woman's
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
.If we talk about the country which has
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 lowest
level
Use synonyms
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
.
The
Correct article usage
Unemployment
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
 was not a big
problem
Use synonyms
 in Wales in 2013.It means there were lots of women who worked in Wales.
Also
Linking Words
,there
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been some opportunities to earn money.The things to mention
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest and the lowest percentages of the jobless in 2014.Of course,we can freely see that the greatest
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of the jobless
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 in
Scotland
Use synonyms
 in 2014.Honestly,jobless was the worst issue
Use synonyms
Scotland
Change preposition
in Scotland
show examples
.
Linking Words
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 thing about
this
Linking Words
 paragraph is the lowest index of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
 was in Northern Ireland.I guess that
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 the major for the individuals in
this
Linking Words
 public
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 easier than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 states. The stuff that everyone can notice is the greatest and the lowest index of a
majorless
Correct your spelling
major
 was in
England
Use synonyms
 in 2013 and 2014.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, level, england, problem, scotland with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provides" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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