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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010

the charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english
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The two Pie Charts below show information about the British pupils at university in 2000 and 2010 about their expertise level in other languages except English. From the available
data
Add a comma
,data
show examples
 it is clear
their
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 within 10 years more
students
Use synonyms
 had learnt foreign languages other than English as the percentage of
such
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 has clearly
raised
Verb problem
risen
show examples
 with the passage of
decade
Add an article
a decade
show examples
. By clearly examining the charts, it's obvious that Spanish
Change noun form
languages
show examples
languages'
Fix the agreement mistake
language'
show examples
 speakers and learners were
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 among all
others
Correct article usage
the others
show examples
. In 2000 only 30% of the
students
Use synonyms
 were able to speak it, but
this
Linking Words
 percentage
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 to 35% in 2010.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who were able to speak any other foreign
language
Use synonyms
 were just 15% in 2000 and
then
Linking Words
 it raised to 20% in 2010.
Along with
Linking Words
 that,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of pupils who can speak any other foreign
language
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 by 5% from 10% to 15% within 10 years.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, all
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 positive values
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 to speak
German
Correct article usage
the German
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 remained constant
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 10 years at 10%,
while
Linking Words
 in 2000 15% of the
students
Use synonyms
 were
also
Linking Words
 able to speak
French
Change the article
the French
show examples
language
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by msohaibkhan97 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • British students
  • university
  • speaking other languages
  • language proficiency
  • overall trends
  • comparison
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • chart
  • data
  • percentage
  • significant
  • increase
  • decrease
  • noteworthy
  • comparative analysis
  • improvement
  • decline
  • conclusion
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