IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart elaborates on the proportions of Australian citizens and immigrants that make up Australia, divided by three
catergories
Correct your spelling
categories
: Cities, Towns and Rural areas. Generally speaking, it can be
infered
Correct your spelling
inferred
 that the most populated
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
, with both locals and foreigners, are
metropolitans
Change the noun form
metropolitan
show examples
 areas. Examining the charts, we can see that Australian cities are more popular amongst outsiders, both in 1995 and 2010. The same can
also
 be said about the natives, who began to live more in
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 as time went on. Looking at towns and rural areas, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used to be more
crowed
Correct your spelling
crowded
show examples
 in 1995.
However
, fast forward a few years, they are observed to significantly
decreases
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 in percentage, especially amongst foreigners. By the time of 2010, the
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
show examples
 of people who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside of
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
takes
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 up not even a fourth of the entire population. In sum, we can
deduced
Change the verb form
deduce
show examples
 from looking at the bar chart that people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 only migrated into cities over time. It is estimated that, with
mordenization
Correct your spelling
modernization
modernisation
, the proportions will only get more unbalanced.
Submitted by k2englishcenter on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: