The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.

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The pie charts provide information about the outcome of research as far as youngsters are concerned. The first and second graph provides data showing cultural and free time activities participated by males and females respectively. The unit is measured in percentage

Overall

, the vast majority of boys spent their free time on

computer

games

while

few of them were interested in reading.

In addition

, a significant number of females enjoyed dancing in their leisure time as compared to listening to music. With regard to boys, 34% of them were interested in

computer

games

This

figure was the highest as opposed to other exercises. Basketball ball took the second position with 26%. Listening to music

as well as

skateboarding had quite similar percentages with 10% and 11% respectively

while

few of them enjoyed reading with 2%.

By contrast

, most ladies developed the habit of dancing and reading with 27% and 21% respectively.

In addition

although

, females participated in

computer

games

however

, males liked more

computer

games

than girls with an 18% difference. Netball

as well as

listening to music recorded 15% and 10% respectively.

Submitted by boadimaxwell48 on Tue Aug 29 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, in addition, while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, games with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "provide" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

183 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pie graph/chart
survey
cultural activities
leisure activities
participate
percentage
engage in
contrast
significantly
minimally
gender differences
equal participation
synthesize
trends
analyze
highlight
unexpected
popular/unpopular

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