IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into the cities. Why do you think this happens? What problems can this cause?

In recent
few
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apply
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years, more
people
Use synonyms
 have moved from small towns and villages to
some
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apply
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bigger
cities
Use synonyms
 in developing countries. There are numerous reasons behind
this
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 change. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss these concerns and related problems that arise
due to
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people
Use synonyms
's movement from rural places to
cities
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, a metropolitan city offers better school and university education and other skilled institutes, better work opportunities in established government infrastructures and private business companies, significantly improved healthcare facilities with minimal to advanced care and
furthermore
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varieties
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a variety
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 of entertainment choices.
For instance
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, many families send their youngsters for higher academic degrees
for
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apply
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in turn better jobs in
cities
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 and
such
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 individuals not only make their future with their studies but
also
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 get excited with the city's nightlife and other modes of pleasure. Most rural areas are deprived of
such
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 facilities
and
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, and
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Linking Words
therefore
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therefore,
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people
Use synonyms
 move to
cities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, in rural areas, agriculture is the only source of income
which
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, which
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 often suffers
as a result
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 of nature's
calamity
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calamities
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 and unsupportive government policies.
However
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,
as a consequence
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 of the shift of masses,
cities
Use synonyms
 have become overcrowded over the years.
Furthermore
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, since
,
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apply
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 resources are limited and consumers are more,
therefore
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consumables
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consumer
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good
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goods
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 rates are often on the higher side. There are even other ignored issues like traffic jams and road congestion, air and water pollution and lack of adequate residential places.
People
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 are forced to stay together in small apartments in the absence of adequate housing facilities.
To sum up
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, it is indeed very true that
people
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 are moving from rural places to bigger
cities
Use synonyms
due to
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 the aforementioned reasons.
This
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 has resulted in many problems
and
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, and
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 it is
therefore
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 required from the government side to
strategies
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strategise
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this
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 issue and prioritise some actions.

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task response
To improve, answer all parts of the task with more detail on each reason and the problems. add clear facts or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Make the plan clear. Put one idea in each paragraph and use linking words such as and, but, also, for example to show how ideas go from one to the next.
grammar
Check grammar and use simple sentence forms to cut errors and keep sense.
content
The essay shows both sides of the topic.
cohesion
Link words help the flow of ideas.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
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