IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many claim that the fast-food industry had a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#fast-food #industry #effect #environment #habits #families
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Nowadays, some individuals consider that the world's rise in population is unsuitable and would lead to a global emergency.
While
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 others argue that it is necessary and benefits from increased economic growth and community. In my point of view, I believe that
although
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 the economy is increasing, it seems to have an impact on the environment. On the one hand, there are several reasons to boost both economic and societal development.
Firstly
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, companies generate plenty of revenue and numerous tasks because people purchase a variety of
products
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, which will generate multiple jobs for employees.
Secondly
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, it is possible that the companies will build many factories in terms of storage and Production of
products
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 when customer demand exceeds supply.
For example
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, the constant noddles company will develop new
products
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 to adapt to their customers' needs
due to
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 the increased density of people every single year,
This
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 can improve the economy as the rate of crime will decrease, and it will help their
countries
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 be secured.
On the other hand
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, despite enhancing economic and social development, it does not mean helping the world save. I do not agree with that aspect of the environment.
To begin
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 with, building various manufacturers will impact natural resources,
such
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 as coats, concrete, and bricks.
In addition
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, those suppliers generate many
products
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,
such
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 as vehicles, and smart devices.
This
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 can make the environmental pollution problem worse.
For example
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, if the governments set rules regarding increasing tax for each car, it means that natural resources are like to be impacted. They restrict some rules for protecting the environment,
otherwise
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, natural disasters will happen to their
countries
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,
such
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 as earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanoes. In conclusion, the density population will increase
due to
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 the environmental impact,
although
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 some of the factors that led to help
countries
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 aspect of economy and society.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that we need to protect ourselves as it is the first emergency in our
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countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
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.
Submitted by nguyenhungvy090499 on

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task response
Develop a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay
coherence and cohesion
Improve the coherence and organization of ideas within paragraphs
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