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Writing Samples
Band 5

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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These pie charts demonstrate to what portion of the
electricity
Use synonyms
 each
source
Use synonyms
 of
power
Use synonyms
 contributed in
two
Use synonyms
 categories of all types and
renewables
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. There are
two
Use synonyms
 charts shown for
Germany
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 and
two
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 for France both of which relate to 2009. In
Germany
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, conventional thermal amounted
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 60% of the total
power
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nuclear was responsible for a bit over a fifth of the total energy and
lastly
Linking Words
,
renewables
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 are the
source
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 of a little below a fifth of the total
electricity
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, biomass and wind, combined contributed over
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two thirds
Add a hyphen
two-thirds
show examples
 of
renewables
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 with equal portions and the rest is provided by hydroelectric and solar energies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nuclear
power
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provided
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 more than
three quarters
Add a hyphen
three-quarters
show examples
 of the total
electricity
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.
Also
Linking Words
, renewable energies were held accountable for almost 13% of the whole
electricity
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while
Linking Words
 conventional thermal only produced 10% of the
power
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.
However
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, hydroelectric produced nearly
four fifth
Add a hyphen
four-fifth
show examples
 of the total renewable
power
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while
Linking Words
 wind, biomass and solar contributed way less than that.
Although
Linking Words
 geothermal
power
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 is mentioned, it contributes almost nothing to the total
power
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 whatsoever. Even though both countries use
renewables
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 for only about a fifth of their total
electricity
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, France relied heavily on nuclear
power
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.
Instead
Linking Words
, conventional thermal was the most prevalent
source
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 of energy in
Germany
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.
Also
Linking Words
 among the renewable sources, hydroelectric was the dominating
source
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 in France
while
Linking Words
 biomass and wind were the ones with the most participation in
renewables
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 in
Germany
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, source, power, two, renewables, germany with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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