IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In most successful organizations, some people believe that communications between managers and workers is important, other people said that other factors are more important. What is your opinion?

#organizations #people #communications #managers #workers #factors
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In today's world, every organization has their own environment to make itself successful. Some folks argue that interaction between high authority and
workers
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 plays a vital role in making an organization profitable,
while
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 others disagree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 ,essay both sides will be discussed to gain a comprehensive understanding
along with
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 my opinion. Supporters of the communication aspect in an organization argue that
this
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 environment helps to boost the confidence in
workers
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 to do a good job.
This
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 means, that when a high authority person talks to
workers
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 and behaves friendly with them,
workers
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 will enjoy the
work
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 and will do
work
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 as a responsibility. By interacting they will share good information related to
work
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 like what they have achieved and what they are going to do for
further
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 achievements.
For example
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, a survey was conducted on Amazon, which was in the first position in
production
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 among all of Canada's Amazon warehouses. It showed that there was a friendly environment, managers always came between
workers
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 and remained in touch with them. Which thing helps them to be successful in
production
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. Opponents of the communication aspect in organizations think that not only communication but other factors play a more vital role in the company.
This
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 refers to the fact that bonuses and
technology
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 help to make any organisation successful. When there is a chance to earn more money,
workers
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 will do more
work
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 to earn. which will lead to a boost the
production
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.
Moreover
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, when appropriate
technology
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 will be used in any place, it will
also
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 be a useful aspect for the company. When
technology
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 works, there will be less chance of mistakes and will help to do
work
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 with pace to complete
production
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.
For instance
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, a report by "Time of India' showed that after implementing robots in warehouses, companies are making more money than past time. In conclusion, both sides have their own points, as far as I am concerned, good relation between
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
 and
workers
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 far outweighs other factors. As, for what humans can do,
technology
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 does not even come close to that.
Submitted by yadvirk.999 on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear thesis statement that outlines your opinion unequivocally. This will help the reader to understand your standpoint from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
When discussing multiple points of view, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. For example, introducing the paragraph with phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Contrarily' can help distinguish between opposing views.
task response
Ensure that each main point is clearly supported by relevant, specific examples. While you provided examples, make sure they closely align with the points being made and contribute effectively to the argument.
task response
You clearly addressed both sides of the argument and provided a balanced discussion of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is effective in presenting your arguments.
task response
The examples provided in your essay are relevant and help in supporting your main points; especially the Amazon and Time of India surveys.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication channels
  • collaboration
  • productivity
  • workplace harmony
  • issue resolution
  • escalate
  • organizational culture
  • motivation levels
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • feedback mechanisms
  • performance evaluations
  • fairness
  • transparency
  • criteria
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