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Writing Samples
Band 4

The pie chart displays the major causes of global land degradation, while the table illustrates how three regions of the world were affected by those causes during the 1990's.

The pie chart displays the major causes of global land degradation, while the table illustrates how three regions of the world were affected by those causes during the 1990's.
#displays #land #degradation #three #regions #world
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Overall
Linking Words
, over-grazing , deforestation , and over-cultivation are the main reasons why agricultural countryside worldwide is
degarded
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degraded
regarded
. Europe had
much
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a much
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 higher percentage of
degarded
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degraded
 area than Oceania and North America. Over-grazing, which
acconts
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accounts
 for 35% of the world's
degarded
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degraded
 farmland, is the single biggest reason for
the
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apply
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global field degradation .
Deforeststion
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Deforestation
 and Over-cultivation constitute another 30% and 28% respectively. Of the three regions, Europe had the greatest proportion of
degarded
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degraded
plot
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plots
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 during the
1990's
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1990s
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 at 23% .
However
Linking Words
,there, the biggest factor was not over-grazing but deforestation, which caused 9.8% of the ground to become less productive. Oceania was
ttha
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the
 second most affected region, with a total of 13% of
it's
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its
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 district
degarded
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degraded
regarded
, and
this
Linking Words
 was mostly caused by Over-grazing at 11.3%. It's
also
Linking Words
notworthy
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noteworthy
 that Oceania didn't Over-cultivation its continent in comparison,only a total of 5% of the beach in North America was
degarded
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degraded
regarded
 and Over
cutivation
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cultivation
, responsible
3.3
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for 3.3
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%, was the biggest cause.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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