IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increasing demand for energy such as oil and gas, people start to look for their sources in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 the demand for energy has
sky-rocketed
Use the right word
skyrocketed
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and
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, and
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 it now surpasses its supply. And so, because of
this
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, people have started to search for oil and gas in remote and untouched places. The creation of jobs and economic upturn are the main advantages.
Whereas
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, its negative effects on human and environmental health are the main disadvantages. The uncovering of a new supply of oil and gas will allow more job opportunities
while
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also
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 providing an economic boom. Digging up energy sources from the earth requires a lot of machine use, and because of
this
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, there are more jobs for locals to apply for.
Additionally
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, the organic material
that is
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 being dug up to be sold would create a shift in the global economy. A prime example of
this
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 is the Emirati states, which dig up tonnes of organic material to be sold globally
leaving
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, leaving
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 them to now be one of the richest countries
worldwide
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worldwide,
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whereas
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 before
this
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discovery
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discovery,
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 they were one of the poorest. The main disadvantages are the effects these materials have on human and environmental health. The use of
such
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 materials leads to pollution
which
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, which
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 in turn causes issues like breathing problems, heart diseases and
cancer
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cancer,
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 to name a few.
Similarly
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, when organic material pollutes the
air
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air,
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 the trees and water levels are affected.
For example
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,
due to
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 the thinning of the ozone layer, the melting of the Northern and Southern ice caps causes the sea level to rise
resulting
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, resulting
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 in devastations like tsunamis.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, the benefits
more
Correct pronoun usage
that more
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 oil and gas
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 to people
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as more job opportunities and its economic boom, must be weighed against the drawbacks it causes to
health
Correct word choice
human health
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 the of humans and the environment.

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content
Add more detail to each idea. Explain how the plan helps and what problems may come.
coherence
Make the link from one idea to the next clear. Use simple words like also, but, so to show link.
grammar
Check word use and grammar. Fix subject-verb errors and odd phrase.
strength
Clear view is shown in the end, which gives a stand.
strength
Examples are used to show a point.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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