IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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Nowadays,
businesses
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 usually emphasise in their advertising that their
products
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 are new in some way.I believe that it is a positive development.
Businesses
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 want to have a better profit from
customers
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, so they claim that they have a new change in
products
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.One reason is that by advertising,
customers
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 who want to renew the old
products
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 could be
attracked
Correct your spelling
attacked
attracted
 by the advertisement and buy the
products
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.Another reason is that there are various
products
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 in the market.To have competitiveness,
businesses
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 want to have
charasteristic
Correct your spelling
characteristic
characteristics
 which could distinguish
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
 other
products
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.Most
of
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apply
show examples
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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 like to choose
the
Correct article usage
a
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 special one
instead
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 of a common one at
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same level of price. The basement of emphasising
products
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 new in some way
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that the
businesses
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 really have something special.So they need to study and develop the
products
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which is
Verb problem
that
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 a
benefit
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beneficial
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 to
customers
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.Using the new technology can give
customers
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 convenience.
For example
Linking Words
,
NFC
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the NFC
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 function in mobile
phone
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phones
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 can store some
cards
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card
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 information in
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
 and people do not need to take lots of cars with them which can reduce the burden of commuting.By advertising,
customers
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 can choose which new function they want to buy.But there may
have
Verb problem
be
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 some new technology
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
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 not useful and
business
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businesses
show examples
 may set a higher price to sell it.But I believe
tgat
Correct your spelling
that
customers
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 have their own thinking and they can recognize the real useful message from the
exaggurated
Correct your spelling
exaggerated
 advertisement.
Although
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 there are some misleading advertisements
which
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in which
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businesses
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 want to treat
consemers
Correct your spelling
consumers
, most
of
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apply
show examples
customers
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 can identify the advertisement and enjoy the convenience
afford
Change the form of the verb
afforded
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 by new technology.So advertising
products
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 new in some ways is a positive development to promote
Use synonyms
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
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improving
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
.
Submitted by huangzijun2293 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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