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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts compare the proportion of Australian and non-Australian people who have been living in modern
cities
Use synonyms
,
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 over the period between 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, residents of the
cities
Use synonyms
 formed the highest percentage over the given period, whilst, countryside residents formed the least percentage in
this
Linking Words
 period, except for the non-Australian
peoplein
Correct your spelling
people in
people
 2010.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1995, most Australians lived in
cities
Use synonyms
 with nearly 50%,
while
Linking Words
 about 60% of the non-natives lived in urban regions. Rural
areas
Use synonyms
 were densely populated by citizens, approximately 35% for
Austarlian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 and 40% for people outside Australia.
Towns
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 were the least favourite choice with about 20% of Australian residents and 15%
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 citizens outside Australia.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2010, the percentage of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who lived in the
cities
Use synonyms
 increased significantly by 20% for both Australians and non-natives.
Towns
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 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 showed a great decline
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the natives
show examples
natives
Change the noun form
native
show examples
 population where both of them formed about 15%. Whilst the non-natives percentages halved in
towns
Use synonyms
 and showed a huge decrease
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 10% in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, towns, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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