IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

in some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. is it a positive or negative development.

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
There is a law about the rejection of applicants in some countries. They shouldn’t reject the new employees just because of their
age
. It is a positive development in
business
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
 area. If we want to mention the positive side of
this
 rule, we should say that it is the most reliable way to employ
people
 who are
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
young or they are retired without any
age
 limitation. The youngster
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 are so motivated and active because of their
age
 and their physical capacity.
Moreover
, the
people
 who are retired and want to come back to the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 are not only experienced but
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be a wonderful
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new employees.
For example
, the manager
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have to put that much effort
to learn
Change preposition
into learning
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
how to do
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 because they
also
 have a professional coworker who time.
On the other hand
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
managers are not likely to take a risk and give these
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
 a chance to
work
 and improve themselves. They prefer to accept the CU which is the best and can be beneficial for them. Because, if they hire a specialist for their company, that would be costly. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they wouldn’t be convinced
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the low salary.
Furthermore
, they do not believe in young
people
. They don’t have enough experience and
also
 they are not
familier
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with the
work
 atmosphere. So, they may give up in the middle of the project or they may refuse to
work
 with other
people
 in the group and make a lot of trouble. In conclusion, in some
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 there is no restriction
Change preposition
on
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of the employees when they send
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
applicants to the offices.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 law has many positive and negative aspects, it would be much better to have
this
 kind of rule in all countries because it
makes
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 a good opportunity for everyone and
also
 it would be a fair competition in employment.
Submitted by javadsaady1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: