IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
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A number of
countries
Use synonyms
 are struggling with penury .
Although
Linking Words
a
Remove the article
apply
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plenty of philanthropist
countries
Use synonyms
 help them by improving their financial
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
, but in doing so , poverty has not been solved yet .
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, some people believe that they should be given help in other ways . In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the second solution outweighs the first one . We will know why I think like
this
Linking Words
 in
Correct article usage
the fallowing
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fallowing
Correct your spelling
following
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 paragraphs. To start with , some communities face poverty
as a result
Linking Words
 of corruption , location or environmental issues .
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 , it
dose
Correct your spelling
does
show examples
 not mean that they can not be as developed as other
countries
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , many undeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 have introduced a remarkable number of geniuses to the world.
Therefore
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 ,
This
Linking Words
 fact indicates that
Linking Words
this societies
Change the determiner
this society
these societies
show examples
 should be paid attention
.
Change preposition
to .
show examples
It is
while
Linking Words
 some extended
countries
Use synonyms
 express their sense of sympathy by giving them
money
Use synonyms
 . Not only it is not
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
appropriate , but
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 form of helping might have devastating outcomes. To illustrate , giving
money
Use synonyms
 would be
Correct article usage
a temporarily
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temporarily
Change the word
temporary
show examples
 escape .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 in charge would spend the
money
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their personal expenses.
Thus
Linking Words
 , as my experiences confirm, if the financial aid is not
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
a specific purposes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a specific purpose
specific purposes
show examples
, it will definitely cause problems. When all is said and done , what are the best applicable ways to help undeveloped communities? As I see
this
Linking Words
 , the main issue in poor
countries
Use synonyms
 is the lack of university and competent teachers .
Hence
Linking Words
 ,
the first step is
Linking Words
 to catch them up with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
state-of-the-art knowledge and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cutting-edge technology.
Further
Linking Words
 , In my point of view ,
instead
Linking Words
 of giving them
money
Use synonyms
 ,
first world
Add a hyphen
first-world
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 should give them
hand
Correct article usage
a hand
show examples
 to expand their financial resources .
For instance
Linking Words
 , improve their tourism industry .
Besides
Linking Words
 , they can compromise on some win-win exchanges.
For example
Linking Words
 , virtually all poor
countries
Use synonyms
 have
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 unused
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
show examples
 it is
while
Linking Words
 more developed
countries
Use synonyms
 are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land to launch their solar panels.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , those lands can be exploited for an environmentally friendly goal . In conclusion , it is extremely appreciated to help poor
countries
Use synonyms
 but it would have been better if the
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 had
done
Add a missing verb
been done
show examples
 in more beneficial ways. I deem that investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 poor
countries
Use synonyms
 would have seemingly good results.
Submitted by yulyawashington on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "therefore, while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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