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Band 6.5

Many people that today there is a general increase in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect of others.What maighy have caused this situation.How to improve it?

#people #behaviour #lack #respect #maighy #situation
These days, society is engaged in misbehaved and disrespectful attitudes. There is a large number of reasons that should be taken seriously. Some causes
such
 as unemployment and family structure will be discussed in
this
 essay and suggest some solutions to ameliorate the situation.
Firstly
, to address the cause of antisocial behaviour, individuals simply need jobs.
People
 who are jobless will behave aggressively. Unemployment will make
people
 do some wrongdoings and disrespect each other.
For instance
, a survey said that most
people
 lost their jobs
due to
 covid 19 pandemic.
This
 results in a high proportion of the workers doing some anti-social behaviours
such
 as robbing the well-off person and kidnapping the loaded houses and so on. These anti-social behaviours are leading to an awful society.
In addition
, the changing of the family structure is the big cause of the phenomena. Earlier,
people
 lived in joint families and the parents and grandparents were to supervise their offspring and teach them the traditional values and culture.
In contrast
 to today's era, there are nuclear families who prefer to live alone and their parents go out to work,and the children are left in the hands of the media, where they watch what they want. No one monitors what kind of TV programmes they watch.
Moreover
, bad company causes anti-social manners.Some children are involved in drug selling and other crimes.
Nevertheless
, the problems are so serious that need to solve
this
.
To begin
 with, the government should take steps to mitigate these anti-social behaviours. The government should provide the jobs for the eligible
people
.
This
 chance should be equal for both men and women.
For instance
, developed countries have less crime and robbing-like misbehaved attitudes because their state takes strict actions on
this
.
Secondly
,
people
 have to learn the strike balance between work and family so they spend their time with the children and teach their moral values.
To sum up
, I believe that if they have a quality of life
then
 they would lessen the crime rate and contribute to society in a better way.
Submitted by hirasattar7 on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the causes and solutions of anti-social behavior. More detailed and specific examples are required to fully support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear with a basic introduction and conclusion. However, the development and organization of ideas could be improved for better coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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