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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below show the unemployment rate citizens in the US with a further classification displaying average salary per week in 2005

The graph below show the unemployment rate citizens in the US with a further classification displaying average salary per week in 2005
The table below
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
weekly
salary
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in
us
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
 and the graph below depicts the percentage of
unemployment
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
us
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
 citizens
Linking Words
overall
Capitalize word
Overall
show examples
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who have
Doctoral
Correct article usage
a Doctoral
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 and
Professional
Correct article usage
a Professional
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get the highest
amount
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per week.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
 can be seen that the lowest percentage of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 is the
people
Use synonyms
 who have doctoral
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 and professional
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
.
Linking Words
on
Capitalize word
On
show examples
 the other hand the
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have high school
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get less
salary
Use synonyms
 and the highest
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is the
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 school diploma.It can be concluded from here
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to work, suffer ,and spend their time for
low
Add an article
a low
the low
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of money. Doctoral and professional
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 as I mentioned they ◦get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 than others The citizens who have
Doctoral
Correct article usage
a Doctoral
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get 1746
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 and the
people
Use synonyms
 who have
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
earn 1800
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 per week. As result the
people
Use synonyms
 who
earns
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
salary
Use synonyms
 they have the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of
unemployment
Use synonyms
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 low
amount
Use synonyms
 of
salary
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 of
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salary, unemployment, people, degree, amount, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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