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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in household's in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information in about 150 words

The chart below shows the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in household's in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information in about 150 words
#changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #household #country #summarise #information
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Both the line graph is
statistical
Add an article
a statistical
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 representation of the variability in
demand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
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 different electrical appliances and the amount of time spent doing housework in
household
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the household
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 sector between 1920-2019
Overall
Linking Words
 we can clearly observe the rapid increase in
demand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
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 vacuum cleaner which was only used by 30% of households in 1920 but the late realisation of
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of vacuum cleaner made
it’s
Replace the word
its
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demand
Use synonyms
 reach
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 100%. The washing machine had a moderate nature as
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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demand
Use synonyms
 slowly stretched. In 1920 the
demand
Use synonyms
 was 40% which slowly
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
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upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 75%. The major difference we can notice is of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 whose
demand
Use synonyms
enlarged
Verb problem
increased
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 as in 1920 the
demand
Use synonyms
 was only 5% but
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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 necessity
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
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upto
Correct your spelling
up to
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 100% in 1980 itself which is still maintained in 2019
Rephrase
apply
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also
Linking Words
. In the second line
graph
Add a comma
,graph
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 we can clearly observe the decline in hours of housework per week. As the technology made life easier than before which made the workload decline from 1920 to 2019. In 1920 people
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to work 50 hours per week which reduced to 10 hours per week in 2019
Submitted by poonam.tushir0099 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words demand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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