Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?

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Money
Use synonyms
is important in most people’s lives. I guess most of us will agree
wilth
Correct your spelling
with
that. People
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the only kind of species who pay for everything
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
planet.
Money
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is the case with which we can survive in
this
Linking Words
world. We pay for birth, education, food,
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothing
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, house,
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
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even
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
death, in case
if
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apply
show examples
you want to do that in a proper way.
Is
Verb problem
Does
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not it seem ridiculous? How many times we
complaint
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complain
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about that, it is our reality. I met a lot of people who
said
Verb problem
told
show examples
me that
money
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is not
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
important thing.
Honestly
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Honestly,
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I don'
t
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believe them. Judging their stories about
them
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their
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problems I realised that
most
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the most
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common reason is lack of
money
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. After that, I accept the opinion that '
money
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is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the
important
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
in our lives'. As for me, obviously, I believe there are things which bring more
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
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in
Change preposition
to
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our lives,
such
Linking Words
as
kindnees
Correct your spelling
kindness
, charity, love, brave etc.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
, sincerely, it
is complicate
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is complicated
show examples
to keep the love, be kind and generous in poor conditions. On the one hand, you can have close friends
,
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and, good
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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partner, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
, will you be happy if you can'
t
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meet with them and drink some glass of wine or present a gift to your partner because of the lack of
money
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?
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you have your own family with
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
, what will you feel if you
don'
Verb problem
aren't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
available to help your kids with sponsoring
of
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apply
show examples
education or any other things? In conclusion, I want to emphasize, that
money
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don'
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doesn't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
make us bad or addicted to something
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Money
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just
highli
Correct your spelling
highly
Submitted by helgavitalivna on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. Aim to have a clear introductory paragraph, body paragraphs with individual main points, and a concluding paragraph. Use of transition words and clear topic sentences can help improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion sections are not adequately developed. Both should clearly introduce and summarise the main points of the essay, respectively. Your essay appears to be cut off abruptly, indicating an incomplete conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph supports the main points with clear explanations and relevant examples. Aim to include at least one specific example per main point to better illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
It seems you have not completed your response as the essay ends abruptly. Ensure that you provide a complete answer to the prompt by fully developing your ideas and including a proper conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas could be more clearly articulated and comprehensive. Strive to express your opinions with clarity and support them with well-thought-out reasoning and coherent argumentation.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the topic. These examples should be used to strengthen your main points and demonstrate your understanding of the essay topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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