IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?

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The subject of
money
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 is one
that is
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 as old as time itself; though, some people think it is more important than others, knowing
it's
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its
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 value lies in having the right mindset about it and how it can contribute to living a good and fulfilling
life
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.
Money
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 or the lack of it determines a
lot
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 of
things
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 in our lives, where we live, how we live, and a
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lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 major decisions we
take
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make
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 are influenced by
money
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.
It's
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Its
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 importance cannot be
over-stated
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overstated
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, it is a
necesity
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necessity
 that guides us in key decisions we
take
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make
show examples
 in
life
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.
Although
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, a
lot
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 of people believe they know the importance of
money
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, their financial decisions and spending habits
exposes
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expose
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 their lack of knowledge as regards
channeling
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channelling
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 their funds to the right sources. To become a tool of freedom from financial hardships,
money
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 must be spent wisely and on
things
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 that are most important. Now,
this
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 is not to deduce that pleasure is not allowed but, it is necessary to always
seperate
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separate
 "wants" from "needs". The 3 basic needs of humans are food, shelter, and clothing and once these are available, everything that comes after
are
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is
show examples
 a plus.
Furthermore
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, it is necessary to know that having
money
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 does not guarantee a good or/
and
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apply
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successful
life
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. Sound and healthy relationships, commitment to a purpose,
personal
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and personal
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 development are other and arguably better means by which
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 in
life
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 is achieved. The most important
things
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 are usually the
intagible
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intangible
things
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.
Things
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such
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 as a good relationship with God, good health, a loving family, a community of friends, peace of mind and so much more
that
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apply
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cannot be bought by the exchange of
money
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. In conclusion,
while
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money
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 makes
things
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 easier like access to better education, better healthcare when needed, and a
lot
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 of tangible
things
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, it should not be treated as the most important thing. It can help open some doors, but it is character and community that keeps the door open and no amount of
money
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 can provide that.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate your points about financial responsibility and the importance of non-material factors for a good life.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next, possibly by using more transitional phrases to connect your thoughts clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity and conciseness; there are a few repetitions that can be streamlined to enhance readability.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs that clearly separate different ideas.
task achievement
Inclusion of both the importance of money and other factors contributing to a good life makes for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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