Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?

Money
is important in most people’s lives. I guess most of us will agree
wilth
Correct your spelling
with
that. People
is
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are
show examples
the only kind of species who pay for everything
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
planet.
Money
is the case with which we can survive in
this
world. We pay for birth, education, food,
cloth
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clothing
show examples
, house,
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
even
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
death, in case
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you want to do that in a proper way.
Is
Verb problem
Does
show examples
not it seem ridiculous? How many times we
complaint
Replace the word
complain
show examples
about that, it is our reality. I met a lot of people who
said
Verb problem
told
show examples
me that
money
is not
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
important thing.
Honestly
Add a comma
Honestly,
show examples
I don'
t
believe them. Judging their stories about
them
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their
show examples
problems I realised that
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
common reason is lack of
money
. After that, I accept the opinion that '
money
is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the
important
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
in our lives'. As for me, obviously, I believe there are things which bring more
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
our lives,
such
as
kindnees
Correct your spelling
kindness
, charity, love, brave etc.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
, sincerely, it
is complicate
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is complicated
show examples
to keep the love, be kind and generous in poor conditions. On the one hand, you can have close friends
,
Correct word choice
and, good
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
partner, but
on the other hand
, will you be happy if you can'
t
meet with them and drink some glass of wine or present a gift to your partner because of the lack of
money
?
Moreover
, if you have your own family with
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
, what will you feel if you
don'
Verb problem
aren't
show examples
t
available to help your kids with sponsoring
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education or any other things? In conclusion, I want to emphasize, that
money
don'
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
t
make us bad or addicted to something
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Money
just
highli
Correct your spelling
highly
Submitted by helgavitalivna on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion sections are not adequately developed. Both should clearly introduce and summarise the main points of the essay, respectively. Your essay appears to be cut off abruptly, indicating an incomplete conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph supports the main points with clear explanations and relevant examples. Aim to include at least one specific example per main point to better illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
It seems you have not completed your response as the essay ends abruptly. Ensure that you provide a complete answer to the prompt by fully developing your ideas and including a proper conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas could be more clearly articulated and comprehensive. Strive to express your opinions with clarity and support them with well-thought-out reasoning and coherent argumentation.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the topic. These examples should be used to strengthen your main points and demonstrate your understanding of the essay topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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