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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all source and renewbles in the year 2009.

The pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all source and renewbles in the year 2009.
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The pie charts illustrate the information about
electricity
Use synonyms
production
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 by using varied kinds of sources and exhaustible
resources
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 in
Germany
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 and
France
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 in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
Germany
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, the major contributor was conventional thermal for
electricity
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 generation,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
France
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 was nuclear.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when it comes to renewable
resources
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, the main resource was biomass in
Germany
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,
conversely
Linking Words
 hydroelectric in
France
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Germany
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 and
France
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 used conventional thermal, nuclear and renewable
resources
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 for their
electricity
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production
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. In
Germany
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, approximately 60% of conventional thermal was used,
whereas
Linking Words
 nearly 10% was used in
France
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. When it comes to exhaustible
resources
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,
Germany
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 used nearly 30% of biomass
power
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whereas
Linking Words
,
in contrast
Linking Words
, about 80% of hydroelectricity was used in
France
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. Sola
power
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 was the least amount of usage in terms of
electricity
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production
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 in
Germany
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, which contributed 6.1%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when it comes to the
electricity
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production
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 of
France
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, 10.5% of wind
power
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 was contributed.
However
Linking Words
, in
Germany
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, a quarter of wind
power
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 was used in terms of
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation. Notably, neither of the countries used geothermal as an
electricity
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production
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 resource in 2009.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, production, resources, germany, france, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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