IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #business #company #organization #advantage
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Nowadays,more and more
people
Use synonyms
 would rather start their own business rather than
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 for others.In spite of the risks,I reckon that the
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
 will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 than the defect. There are three reasons why
i
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I
show examples
 said that there are more advantages to
set
Wrong verb form
setting
show examples
 up their own
firm
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.One of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is that to some extent, all
people
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 are striving for social status.If they become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entrepreneur,they could make more
money
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 and they can spend
money
Use synonyms
 traveling the world so that broaden their horizon and learn more about international trade.Or invest more to prove the product.These can make
Use synonyms
firm
Correct article usage
a firm
show examples
 competitive and have a place in the market.It means that the employer can improve their social status.What’s more,it
also
Linking Words
 shows that It is impossible for them to listen to others.So they can be more
indepent
Correct your spelling
independent
 and
use
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 their own talents or knowledge to make
desion
Correct your spelling
decisions
decision
.
People
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 can feel
satisfaction
Add an article
the satisfaction
show examples
 of themselves.The
last
Linking Words
 reason is that by setting own
company
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,they have to manage the labour and consult with
other factory
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another factory
other factories
show examples
 to cooperate with
eacho oter
Correct your spelling
each other
.So it can improve their social and leadership skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,starting their own
company
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 two main disadvantages that should be considerable.The first one is that it should
use
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 amoung of
money
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 to keep the
firm
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 surviving.
For example
Linking Words
,if the entrepreneur
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the wrong decision ,the
firm
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 may experience the
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
show examples
 of
bankrupt
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bankruptcy
show examples
.At the same
time
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 , they have to invest more
money
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 to make sure the
firm
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 still
survive
Correct subject-verb agreement
survives
show examples
.The other one is that the boss
have
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has
show examples
 to work for
long
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a long
show examples
time
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 and consider more factors that may influence the
company
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.So in order to avoid information failure , the
entreprenure
Correct your spelling
entrepreneur
entrepreneurs
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to think about the market trend.
To sum up
Linking Words
 , I believe that if they want to have higher status ,more skills and want to
use
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 more of their talents ,
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 their own
company
Use synonyms
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 advantage.
However
Linking Words
,they need to
use
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 more leisure
time
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 to work and keep
firm
Use synonyms
surving
Correct your spelling
serving
.So it would not be suit for
people
Use synonyms
 who care about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 spare
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by melindaguan0704 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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