IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The two pie charts shows the employment pattern in great Britain in 1992

The two pie charts shows the employment pattern in great Britain in 1992
#two #employment #pattern #britain
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The pie charts depict how
much
Correct word choice
high
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
worked
Correct pronoun usage
who worked
show examples
 in Manual and Non-manual
jobs
Use synonyms
 in
great
Capitalize word
Great
show examples
 Britain in the year 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
 maximum
percentage
Use synonyms
 of women worked in Clerical or related
jobs
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 the highest number of
men
Use synonyms
 had Managerial and Professional roles.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in craft or similar employment , both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 27%. Only 6%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 worked in clerical or related
jobs
Use synonyms
 on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand
this
Linking Words
 job contributed to the maximum
percentage
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 women.General labourers had only 1% of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and 2% of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
woked
Verb problem
working
show examples
 and
thus
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 role had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people worked in both male and female side 36% of boys worked in Managerial and Professional roles
however
Linking Words
 only 29% of girls had
this
Linking Words
 role.
Other
Change preposition
In other
show examples
 manual roles
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
24% of
men
Use synonyms
 worked
however
Linking Words
 in females only 3% worked . 6%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 and 9%
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
 had other non-manual
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kavitha7797 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, jobs, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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