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Band 4.5

In many cities the use of video camras in public places is increasing in order to reduce time, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individuals freedom. Do the benefits of increased the security outweigh the drawbacks?

#cities #video #camras #places #time #people #measures #individuals #freedom #security
In
ceveral
Correct your spelling
several
cities
Add a comma
,cities
show examples
 the usage of
video
 recording
cameras
 ,especially in public places, is increasing in order to reduce the amount of time
consuming
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
.
However
, it has been stated that in order to
contributing
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contribute
show examples
these
Change preposition
to these
show examples
 measures our individual privacy would be put in danger. There are some negative
standpoits
Correct your spelling
standpoints
standpoint
due to
 growing up the level of security in our society,
as well as
 a few drawbacks. In my opinion, the benefits outweigh the negative points. From the negative
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
, it can
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 that people require to have their privacy, even
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
when they are
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the street or in the shopping malls. If the governments and the Police try to control every
movements
Change to a singular noun
movement
show examples
 or significant
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
, the sense of unsafety and untrustability would be increased among the citizens.
Additionally
,
This
 not only can have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 and tremendous effect on the level of stress and
anxiouty
Correct your spelling
anxiety
 among the individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 can implement numerous extra
vayagant
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voyaging
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 for the
states
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state
show examples
 authorities. Providing all of these facilities and infrastructures
such
 as
advanced-
Correct your spelling
advanced cameras
show examples
cameras
, the electricity which
cameras
 need and a controlling unit requires huge investments
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 money and employees. On the
othr
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, I am of the opinion that there are far more advantages
through put
Correct your spelling
throughput
show examples
video
cameras
 in crowded cities. The rate of crime and illegal
actions
, especially in
over-crowded
Correct your spelling
overcrowded
show examples
 and
mega cities
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megacities
show examples
 is
grdually
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gradually
 increasing
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
. In order to provide some security infrastructures,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
such
 as robbers and
pick pocketers
Correct your spelling
pickpocketers
show examples
 would be afraid of the punishment. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, the proportion of violent and criminal
actions
 would be significantly declined.
Furthermore
, these
cameras
 can
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 as
a witnesses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a witness
witnesses
show examples
 for investigating some violent crimes
such
 as murder
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 kidnapping. If a report of a missing child or a suspicious person
give
Wrong verb form
is given
show examples
 to the Police, they can
immidiately
Correct your spelling
immediately
 investigate and locate the
last
 place
Change preposition
in which
show examples
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 that person was seen. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, some people are of the opinion that
video
cameras
 were not created to control our movements in society, I completely believe that putting
video
cameras
 would increase the level of security
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our modern society and grow the pace of police investigation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 criminal
actions
.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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