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Band 4

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

#suggest #people #job #years #school #university
Some people think the student should go to
work
 when they
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
few years between
school
 and
university
.Because they think
this
 is a
way
 to increase
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn some
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
This
 action has many advantages,the best thing is practice in real
life
.If you are a college student
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
experiment in working or living.You will have many difficult things and you can not have any
way
 to face it.
Secondly
,you can earn some
money
 before you go to
university
.Many
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
have
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to make
money
,so they do not know how important if you
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 rich.Absolutely,some
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 do not have
consciousness
Correct article usage
a consciousness
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 saving
money
.Maybe
this
way
 can help them early to realize.At the same
time
,
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
work
 before you
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
university
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can help you broaden
our
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
.
However
,there are
also
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
many disadvantages.
Such
 as
boring
Correct article usage
a boring
show examples
life
,
need
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
time
 to adapt
university
Change preposition
to university
show examples
life
,
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 not
be qualify
Wrong verb form
being qualified
show examples
work
Change preposition
for work
show examples
 and so on.
Firstly
,I think the most important thing is high
school
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 do not have enough knowledge to help them to solve some professional
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Secondly
,because you going to
work
 only want to increase working experiment or earn
money
.But you must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
go back to
school
,you need
time
 to adapt
university
Change preposition
to university
show examples
life
.
The teenager
Correct article usage
Teenager
show examples
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
adjust their
work
 and rest
time
.The other thing is you will get
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
 or horror in a new environment.Because you always stay at home or
school
 in your 18 years. So in my opinion,
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
work
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
few years between
school
 and
university
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages.The best
way
 is
suit
Fix the infinitive
to suit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
yourself.
Submitted by melindaguan0704 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You need to fully address the task by providing both advantages and disadvantages, with relevant specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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