IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 9

Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Issues related to working long hours are frequently discussed these days. It is true that people's lifestyles today have been affected by work-life imbalance. Despite the fact that
this
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 trend has some advantages, I would argue that there are more disadvantages.
This
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 essay will explore how the drawbacks of working overtime outweigh the benefits. On the one hand, there are several merits of clocking out late. The principal merit is that the more employees spend
time
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 on their tasks, the more they gain experience. To explain, there are many jobs that need a lot of working hours to become a professional.
For instance
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, Architect is one of the occupations which require a number of skills and experience.
Thus
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, a junior designer who holds many projects and works overtime to get the jobs done is significantly promoted to be a senior designer or a director.
On the other hand
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, there are some demerits associated with staying until night. First and foremost is decreasing
time
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 slots for leisure activities.
This
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 means that individuals who can't manage their work to be done on
time
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 are losing their work-life balance.
For example
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, If someone has to stay at the office until late at night, he or she won't have
time
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 to have dinner with family or exercise at the gym.
Furthermore
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, These problems can result in mental and physical illnesses. All things considered, I am of the opinion that though there are potential advantages, the negative effects of working long hours clearly outweigh because of lack of relaxation.
Consequently
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, everyone should appropriately manage their amount of work.

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Structure & Flow
Your essay is well-structured and showcases a clear logical flow from the introduction through the body paragraphs to the conclusion. It is commendable.
Linking
Make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases effectively to help your essay progress logically and smoothly between ideas. You've done this well.
Balance of Argument
While discussing both advantages and disadvantages, it's essential to balance your argument. You've managed to present a well-reasoned argument stating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which is good.
Detail & Depth in Examples
Consider exploring examples in greater detail and from various perspectives for a richer argument. Even though your examples are excellent, delve deeper for an even more informative essay.
Structure
Excellent structuring of your essay and logical flow throughout.
Examples
Good use of examples to support your points, with realistic scenarios.
Balanced Argument
Balanced discussion on both the advantages and disadvantages before arriving at a reasoned conclusion.
Clarity of Expression
Effective use of language to express ideas clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • chronic stress
  • financial stability
  • career progression
  • burnout
  • reduced productivity
  • personal development
  • leisure activities
  • work performance
  • career-oriented
  • job satisfaction
  • hobbies
  • fulfilling life
  • immersion
  • hone professional skills
  • fatigue
  • creativity
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