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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2019.

The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2019.
The bar graph
showes
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shows
 how many male and female students study six
diffrent
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different
science related
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science-related
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subjects
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 at a university in London. It is measured in individual
resarch
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research
student
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students
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 studying each
subject
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. We can see that biology and
medicine
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 had the largest amount of students out of all the different courses. Veterinary
medicine
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 had the lowest number of students from all the
diffrent
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different
subjects
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. There
where
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were
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 more men studying the six
diffrent
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different
subjects
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 in comparison to women. When we look more closely at the graph we can see that the three
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 Physics, biology and
medicine
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where
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were
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 the most popular
subjects
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between
Change preposition
among
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 the men,
where’s
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whereas
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 the women preferred
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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the
subjects
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 Biology,
medicine
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 and veterinary
medicine
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. The two most popular
subjects
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where
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were
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 both
subjects
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 that contain a lot of
key words
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keywords
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 that have to
bememorized
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be memorized
; more
Linking Words
then
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than
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 other
subjects
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 contain. The biggest
diffrence
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difference
 in men and women taking a
subject
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 can be seen in the
subject
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 physics.

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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words subjects, subject, medicine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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