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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information about how much people in the United States and the United Kingdom spend on fuel.

The graph below gives information about how much people in the United States and the United Kingdom spend on fuel.
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The given line graph
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
of
Change preposition
on
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fuel
Use synonyms
 consumption in two particular countries, The USA and The United Kingdom, which
divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
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 into three main categories : poorest, middle-income and richest. The units
is
Change the verb form
are
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 presented as
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of income
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is
an
Change the article
apply
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evident that the trend depicts two different
trend
Change to a plural noun
trends
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. in the USA, more upper economy class less used
fuel
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in the UK, they dominantly used
this
Linking Words
 energy source. The large proportion of
fuel
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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consumed by the paupers in the USA, stood at around 4% of their income before reaching its peak at slightly over 5% ,
however
Linking Words
, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
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 dropped among middle-class residents at
range
Add an article
a range
the range
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 between 5% and 4%. The decrease continued in rich-class which hit the bottom at slightly over 2% of their salary. Regarding the second area, The United Kingdom, the poor population use
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
fuel
Use synonyms
 than the rich one, just below 1% of their income,
while
Linking Words
 the higher class reach its peak at above 3%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fuel with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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