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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many working people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time, and hand health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #hand #health
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The issue of people leading a sedentary lifestyle and
hence
Linking Words
 causing
health
Use synonyms
 issues in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 hands is alarming. In view of
this
Linking Words
 worrying situation, the government and companies have the responsibility to find ways to promote the
health
Use synonyms
 of their employees. Of all the reasons why people are not getting enough exercise, the foremost reason is that they do not have enough time. Given that citizens in Hong Kong have long working hours, they have to spend more than 10 hours a day glueing their eyes to the computers and typing repetitively on their keyboards.
This
Linking Words
 in turn will put
tremendous
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a tremendous
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 amount of stress both mentally and physically on their body and they will feel fatigue after finishing their duties. All they want after work is
lying
Change the verb form
to lie
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 on their
cozy
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cosy
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 bed and scrolling their phones, which
further
Linking Words
jeopardize
Correct subject-verb agreement
jeopardizes
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 their
health
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, creating a vicious cycle. Another prominent reason that should not be overlooked is that little facilities are provided for citizens to do sports. Hong Kong is a tiny place and most of the space is used for building residential houses.
Although
Linking Words
 some may argue that there are sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 in different districts where residents can enjoy their favourite indoor or outdoor activities, full booking is a common phenomenon and they are very crowded in holidays.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
lower
Replace the word
lowers
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 the motivation to go outside since nobody will enjoy doing sports in a packed environment. It is vitally important to take action to combat these problems.
The employers
Correct article usage
Employers
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 should offer a few breaks for their workers during business hours to reap
health
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 benefits.
According to
Linking Words
 research, taking
15 minutes
Correct your spelling
15-minute
break
Correct subject-verb agreement
breaks
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 regularly for some stretching and eye exercises
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 extremely beneficial to lower the chances of getting capel tunnel syndrome and eye diseases. Managers should remind their workers to stand up and move their body parts regularly.
Besides
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, the government should advertise on television to share tips on how to promote
health
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 and collaborate with physiotherapists to make
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 about exercises and workouts. When the public is more well informed of the importance of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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, they will put more emphasis on their
health
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 and be more determined to change their habits.
Although
Linking Words
 people are getting sick
by
Change preposition
of
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 spending too much time
on
Change preposition
in
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 their seats, there are steps that can be taken by the government and employers to alleviate the problems.
Submitted by Idiotbb  on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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