IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The academic curriculum in the university requires it to be relevant to one’s chosen field. It is the opinion of others that some schools should focus on learning other subjects
together with
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 the main ones
while
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 others oppose it. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both standpoints and briefly state my side with regard to
this
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 proposition. First of all, going to school means a person’s role is to learn and be knowledgeable. Being exposed to and involved not only in main subjects but
also
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 in other alternative topics may improve their mental, social and practical skills, which are important for work qualifications.
For example
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, incorporating general psychology will definitely aid people to be emphatic and be trained to adapt to coworkers.
Moreover
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, an introduction to stocks and tax will improve an individual’s skill of saving and investing their money.
On the other hand
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, attending the school’s time and attention to preparing students for qualification will support them in the bits and pieces of the work they will be choosing in the future. It gives them more opportunities to try and experience the real side of their job. Including lessons related to their occupation will prepare them for doing work tasks and taking their roles appropriately and accurately.
For example
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, including numerous mathematical equations and logical analysis will help a student to be an engineer or be trained in hospitals if they would like to be a nurse or medical practitioner.
To sum up
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, it will have affectations on an individual’s life. Personally speaking, I support the viewpoint of having minor courses to expand a person’s knowledge and build more possibilities that may add to their experiences before entering the real world.

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Language range and accuracy
To further enhance your essay, consider weaving more complex structures and varied vocabulary into your sentences to showcase a broad range of language skills.
Developing arguments
It might be beneficial to delve deeper into the implications and consequences of each viewpoint. Adding more depth to your arguments can make your essay even more persuasive and engaging.
Task Achievement
Your essay excellently addressed the task by discussing both views on the importance of studying a range of subjects versus focusing solely on one’s main field of study. You provided a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion, aligning well with the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
You demonstrated strong coherence and cohesion throughout your essay, with a logical structure that flowed smoothly from introduction to conclusion. Each paragraph clearly addressed a specific aspect of the topic, supported by relevant examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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