IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The school library is seeking applicants for a job over summer break. Write a letter to the library’s manager, in your letter include: – A brief introduction of yourself – Your experience and relevant skills – Why you want the job

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I am writing a
job
Use synonyms
 application in your library office for
permanent
Add an article
a permanent
show examples
 employee. I have been
member
Add an article
a member
show examples
 of Quaid e Azam
library
Capitalize word
Library
show examples
 since 2019 and I
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
studied
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 my exam days.
This
Linking Words
 library has huge
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 books and it helped me a lot in my Master's degree. When I was looking for
vacancy
Correct article usage
a vacancy
show examples
Rephrase
apply
show examples
then
Linking Words
 I saw the
job
Use synonyms
 ad on the board.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, particular field I decided to send you my resume and tell you about my experience
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 position. I had been working for 2 years when I left my
job
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 my mother's illness.
Although
Linking Words
, the Smart Call
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 I was being worked as a receptionist.
The
Change the word
My
show examples
 communication skills are good
as well as
Linking Words
 bilingual languages knowledge
English
Change preposition
of English
show examples
 and Turkish.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, guiding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new clients
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
also
Linking Words
 added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 my experience.
It
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
is being
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 worked for 2 years at
Use synonyms
job
Correct pronoun usage
my job
show examples
 but my circumstances
was
Verb problem
have
show examples
 changed so I quit my
job
Use synonyms
 and from that day I
am
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not doing any
job
Use synonyms
. As I mentioned I have an excellent experience and knowledge for
this
Linking Words
 position so please consider my application.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I need
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 because I have to run my family and It is impossible without
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. If you see my CV I assure you I will be the right person for
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
. I am looking forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. Yours Sincerely,

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coherence cohesion
The letter lacks a clear logical structure with ideas not flowing naturally from one to the next. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear purpose and that ideas within paragraphs are well-connected.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter should adhere to the formal conventions of letter writing. Including a proper salutation and closing formula is essential.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and provide relevant details related to that idea. This helps maintain clarity and coherence throughout the letter.
task achievement
The response is incomplete as it does not adequately cover all the points required by the task. Ensure to include a brief introduction of yourself, detail your experience and relevant skills, and explain why you want the job in distinct, well-developed paragraphs.
task achievement
The tone of the letter at times shifts away from the suitable formal writing tone expected in job applications. Maintain a consistent, professional tone throughout the letter.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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